the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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