i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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