i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
