I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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