mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
