Is it normal to miss your booty call?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
