Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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