If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize