I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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