it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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