and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
