I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
