both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
