You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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