Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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