Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
