I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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