I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
