I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
