Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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