Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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