So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
