I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
