I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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