took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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