and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I currently don't understand fingers.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
