I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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