Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
