dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize