if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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