you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
