I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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