When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i dont even know how to be here
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
