Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
