one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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