You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
