i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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