This is not my ceiling
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
