My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
