My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
