im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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