Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
