i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
