there's paper in my vomit.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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