Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
