yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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