Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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