so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
