Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
