You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize