My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
