shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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