You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
