So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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