New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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