This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
