You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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