Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
