If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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