saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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