I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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