well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
