Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
